THE “COMPATIBILITY” QUESTION!!! (Why Marriages Fail And The Way out)

– Bimbo Animashaun

Oftentimes, I hear some people say, “I can’t marry So-and-so because we’re not compatible”.
Yet some other people suggest, “If two of you are compatible, then that means one of you is unnecessary”.

But truth is that such statements are not always ABSOLUTE; they’re mostly RELATIVE.
The point remains that FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP TO THRIVE, THERE MUST BE A LEVEL OF COMPATIBILITY AND INCOMPATIBILITY.

The most important factor to consider here is the NATURE and DEGREE of such COMPATIBILITY and INCOMPATIBILITY.
We cannot absolutely say that two people cannot marry because they’re not COMPATIBLE.

The reason being that we cannot shy away from the fact that each of the couple is most times brought up in different environment hence the variations in behavioral disposition.

If one has to wait for someone that has a 100% of one’s kind of upbringing, then one may have to wait forever.
On the other hand, if two people are compatible, we cannot say ABSOLUTELY that one of them is unnecessary because it depends on the NATURE of such compatibility.

If two people are born again, speak in tongues, believe in Faith confessions, practise the Word as spelt out, read after the same authors and what have you, then you’ll agree with me that to a very large extent, both of them are SPIRITUALLY COMPATIBLE, and I sincerely do not think that any Pastor will look at the two of them and say that because of their SIMILAR SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES, one of them is unnecessary hence their marriage can’t work.

No Pastor who understands the Bible will say something that’s as dumb as that.
But you see, real trouble will begin if the man is an idol worshipper or an Ogboni man while the woman is a tongue-talking believer – that level of INCOMPATIBILITY will not work.

Some people may want to rely on what Paul told the Corinthians here to support their action.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:14-15
But the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Now, no believer should rely on this scripture and see it as a license to marry an unbeliever.
The context here talks about two people who weren’t born again as at the time they got married and one of them got saved along the way.

Paul says there’s no need for divorce, for the unbeliever in such conjugal union may be won to Christ through the spiritual labour of the other.

And then Paul leaves room for the possibility of the unbeliever quitting the relationship.
If that happens, the believer is not under bondage to continue the relationship for peace sake.

So, we know that it’s not the general rule. Paul would not have been contradicting himself for he’s the one who also told these Corinthians.
2 CORINTHIANS 6:14-16
Be not unequally yoked together with UNBELIEVERS: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

A beloved brother cannot stand on that scripture i.e. I Cor.7:14-15 to ask for the hand of a confirmed harlot in marriage on the pretext that he will lead her to Christ. That will be like playing with fire and thunder.

Likewise a beloved sister cannot give a nod to the marriage proposal of a confirmed criminal because she has fallen in love.
That will not be FALLING IN LOVE; it will be FALLING INSIDE FIRE.

So, we can see that such level of INCOMPATIBILITY is unacceptable in the light of Scriptures.
But there are some other forms of COMPATIBILITY that we need to look at, viz MENTAL OR INTELLECTUAL COMPATIBILITY, EMOTIONAL COMPATIBILITY, TEMPERAMENTAL COMPATIBILITY, SOCIAL COMPATIBILITY, etc.

Like I said earlier, there are no ironclad rules to it. What’s important is the NATURE and DEGREE of COMPATIBILITY.
Till Jesus comes, prospective couples will always meet those who are COMPATIBLE with them in one or two areas but who are also NOT COMPATIBLE with them in some other areas.

For instance, a man can be a fast thinker while the woman is a slow thinker but you don’t want to say they can’t marry because of that level of MENTAL INCOMPATIBILITY.
If an issue brings out tears from the eyes of the woman but the man doesn’t cry, you don’t conclude that the man is wicked hence two of them can’t marry.

No, that just shows differences in EMOTIONAL EXPRESSIONS. Truth is that the man could even be more pained than the woman but he expresses his pain differently.

We also have situations where one of the couple is introverted while the other is extroverted.
Now we can’t say they shouldn’t marry or that they should suspend their marriage due to TEMPERAMENTAL INCOMPATIBILITY.
There are also instances where the woman is for instance raised from an aristocratic background but the man comes from “A RAW BACKGROUND” and they’re doing fine inspite of differences in SOCIAL BACKGROUND.

Therefore, it may not always be true that two people who are not COMPATIBLE cannot marry or that when two people are compatible in a relationship, one of them is unnecessary.

Think about this; physiologically speaking, the man and the woman are not TOTALLY COMPATIBLE, yet that is one of the reasons they come together to produce children.
So, we need to deal with issues of COMPATIBILITY and INCOMPATIBILITY relatively not absolutely.

THE WAY OUT

In the light of the foregoing therefore, to avoid MARITAL CRASH due to issues around COMPATIBILITY or INCOMPATIBILITY, there must be MUTUAL ADJUSTMENT on the part of both parties.
Anyone who’s not ready to adjust in marital relationship is not ready for marriage and it will be risky to coast along with such person on the ocean of marriage.

We’re not all PERFECT but we can become better by adjusting to the demands and realities of a married life. And this adjustment is not a one-way thing; it is MUTUAL.

The man and the woman must be ready to let go of certain things (especially non-weightier matters) and accommodate the input of each other in the overall interest of the relationship.

If that is done, then the issue of COMPATIBILITY and INCOMPATIBILITY will be handled with Scriptural balance and peace will flow like a river.
I hope this blessed you Sirs and Mas?
Do have a fabulous weekend ahead!!
Love you always!!!

Source: Bimbo Animashaun Teaching Ministries |Published with permission.

Jesus loves you, accept Him today, tomorrow might be too late.

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