Dear Brother or Sister, the fact that someone is a “Christian” does not automatically mean that he or she is “suitable” for you as a marriage partner.
Being a Christian is the first consideration but beyond that, being suitable for your “uniqueness” is another consideration.
It is unarguable that a believer cannot marry an unbeliever. Correct!!!
But then another aspect of the conversation is that a believer cannot marry any kind of believer. No! The principle of “SUITABILITY” has to be followed.
Marrying someone not SUITABLE for you will create friction and tension in your relationship.
It will trigger avoidable conflicts that could have become nonexistent had it been one married someone suitable for him.
By suitability we mean a condition whereby the couple become adaptable and complementary to each other.
The first time God Almighty spoke about SUITABILITY as the basis of marriage was when He decided to give wife to Adam.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him AN HELP MEET FOR HIM.
The phrase “help meet for him” simply means “help suitable for him” or “help fitted for him”.
If someone is thirsty and you give him food, you have rendered help but that help is not “suitable” for his condition; he definitely needs water; not food.
It is one thing therefore to find help, but it is another thing to find the help that is suitable for you.
We will appreciate this passage of Scriptures more in the Amplified Version.
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (SUITABLE, ADAPTED, COMPLEMENTARY) for him.
Have you seen the word “SUITABLE” again? And take note of the words “ADAPTED” and “COMPLEMENTARY”.
That was the original thought of God, the Master Planner and Architect of marriage.
Now, the truth of the matter is that not everyone is SUITABLE for you, even though they may be tongues-talking or demon-chasing believers. Let me paint the picture here very vividly.
Have you ever put on an over-sized cloth before? You know definitely that it wasn’t suitable for you.
The difficulty in trying to make do with an oversized suit is typical of that kind of difficulty experienced when you marry someone not suitable for you.
You will not be yourself. You will spend more time “patching” up the marriage than “building” the marriage.
I mean you know how you feel inside an oversized piece of cloth.
But have you ever noticed how you feel anytime you put on a perfectly fitted suit? That’s how you feel when you marry someone SUITABLE for you.
There’s balance. There’s freedom of expression. There’s a strong bonding reinforced by mutual understanding and of course the journey becomes seamless.
Beloved, one way to know a person NOT SUITABLE for you is that he or she is always grappling with and complaining about VARIABLES that you don’t have control over.
In life there are things you don’t have control over – your family background, your town of origin, your complexion, your height, etc.
He knew that you’re from Ijebu, not from Washington DC, before he said he wanted to marry you.
She knew that you’re short in stature before she gave her consent to marry you.
He knew that you’re fat, not slim, before he proposed to you.
He knew that you’re not light in complexion but you’re an ebony-like shinning lady before he said God spoke to him about you.
She knew that the name of your Dad is not Donald Trump before she consented to your proposal.
He knew that you’re from a polygamous family before he started bamboozling you with “God said”.
And of course she knew that physically you’re an orphan before she said “Yes” to you.
Now beloved, you don’t have control over any of those variables.
Anyone who has issues with any of the above may not be SUITABLE for you.
To say this in passing; it’s a popular belief that ladies don’t like short guys. But the truth is that someone SUITABLE for you does not even give that a thought.
Some positions are not absolute; they’re simply products of assumptions and permutations.
People also believe that guys don’t like fat ladies. But I have seen people who take delight in fat ladies and they’re happily married today.
Truth is that someone who is SUITABLE for you will ADAPT to you and love you the way Christ loves the Church.
NEVER NEVER LOOK DOWN ON YOURSELF. I repeat; NEVER NEVER LOOK DOWN ON YOURSELF.
You’re handsome Brother. You’re beautiful Sister. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made.
Stand in front of the mirror, the person you see there is a creature of highest value.
To expand this conversation, someone who is SUITABLE for you will also be in tunes with God’s plan and purpose for your life.
He or she wants you to be fulfilled; that’s their primary preoccupation. No complaints. No murmuring. No grumbling. No intimidation.
They’re just ready to support you to become all that God wants you to become on earth.
Not every tongues-talking sister can marry a Pastor. Infact the simplest way to know that a lady can’t go with you in ministry is that she’s more driven by FASHION than PRAYER.
When you tell her that you just got some books by Kenneth Hagin, she becomes sad and puts on a discouraging look.
When you give her report about how powerful your ministration was at a meeting, she says “Please can we talk about another thing?”.
Nothing “ministerial” ever appeals to her yet you’re saying God said she’s the one. My Brother, verily verily I say unto you, you need “counseling”.
This is the simple reason why some people have been frustrated out of ministry and we’re quick to blame the devil for it.
And to you my dear sister, you can see that the Bro has a “too-know attitude” and will always discountenance your suggestions.
You have NO SAY at all on anything; he operates like a Commander in Chief and you’re still saying he’s the one. You may need some counselling Sis.
That man is not SUITABLE for you. Someone somewhere will value you and your views. You had better set things in order now.
There’s nothing that can be compared to marrying someone who is SUITABLE for you.
In closing, may I say that anyone who is not ready and willing to adjust, adapt and shift ground for you to honour you and your uniqueness without compromising the provisions of God’s Word and without offending their purpose on earth is not SUITABLE for you.
Even if you believe that God led you to each other but he or she is stereotyped and rigid without giving in to MUTUAL ADJUSTMENT, you may as well forget about it.
It’s not going to work and this may be a lifeline offered you by God to get you out of a bleak future of sorrow and frustration.
All of us have our nuances and in some cases “excesses”, but the moment we come in contact with the revelation of God’s Word, we have no choice than to submit.
When you have someone who will go to any length to embrace your uniqueness, honour your purpose on earth and shift ground for the sake of mutual love and prosperity of the relationship without compromising the Scriptures, then you have before you someone who is SUITABLE, ADAPTED and COMPLEMENTARY for you.
In that instance, your marriage will become a showpiece of Heaven on earth.
Trust this is a blessing Sirs and Mas?
Your marriage is blessed eternally!
Source: Bimbo Animashaun Teaching Ministries |Published with permission.