(For Christian Sisters)
Dear Sister In Zion,
It’s important to understand the psychology of a man when it comes to marital feelings and affection.
A man is not “MAJORLY” attracted to you in marriage by the FIRE that you carry but by the VIRTUE that you possess.
Sometimes I see very great daughters of Zion have a challenge along this line and of course the reason ranges from one factor to the other (two cases may not have the same underlying factor).
But one thing I can humbly say is that to understand the way a man thinks with respect to marital settlement will go a long way in finding the love of your life.
As it stands, not every Christian Brother that you see is a tyrant or a despot; many of them are simply looking for a peaceful atmosphere created by the submission and understanding of a woman to fulfil their dreams.
It’s not true that every man is intimidated by your FIRE (of course some are) but I can say authoritatively that a lot of Christian Brothers are out there who will go the extra mile to support your calling and vision.
We have seen great women preachers and also music ministers supported by their husbands and time will not permit us to mention names.
You see, the Biblical principle of submission does not mean you are lorded over or that you have no say at all in the mutual affairs that affect a husband and his wife.
It’s simply recognizing the headship role of your husband in the homefront and to respond accordingly.
You will need a lot of patience, understanding and humility to blend your HOLY GHOST FIRE with GREAT CHRISTIAN VIRTUES.
We live in a generation that is bedeviled with all manner of confusing ideologies and with all kinds of extremes including “OVERBLOWN FEMINISM” where people don’t seem to find the balance.
When we talk about FEMINISM, I always say that it depends on the angle from where you’re talking about it (we’ll talk about this some other time).
The man is not “superior” to the woman and the woman is not a slave to the man but two of them are uniquely differently with the husband standing in headship role in the homefront.
This position is what agrees with the spirit of the New Testament, and for the woman, SUBMISSION IS KEY!
Some men are not really intimidated by your FIRE; they may simply feel concerned when you overtly or covertly display certain attitudes that may cast a shadow on their future happiness in marriage.
That’s why what a man wants to see first is that virtue of humility and submission.
Let me say that NO MATTER HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE, if you are persistently rude to a man or brother as the case may be, at that point he loses every atom of feeling and affection he has for you and that’s with a few exceptions.
It’s wisdom therefore to show signs of respectability and decorum in WORD and in DEED in addition to THE FIRE of God in your bosom.
Then the other part to look into is your outlook – your outward appearance and this also includes a good dressing.
The bitter truth is that many of those tongue-talking brothers you see around are not just attracted by your gift of prophecy or singing gift; they like good dressing too.
It is true that men are moved by what they see. Jesus reinforced this by affirming that MEN “LOOK” – Matt.5:28.
I’m not talking about lustful desire or inordinate affection here as implied in that scripture but there’s something in men that appreciates outlook.
Some ladies get caught up in the web of doctrinal inaccuracies and as such it affects their outlook.
They do stuffs not because they are Scripturally convinced but because they’re doctrinally coerced into them and in the long run, it has a boomeranging effect.
Daughters of Zion don’t dress for seduction but for glory, beauty and virtue. Taking care of your INNER VIRTUE and OUTWARD APPEARANCE is captured by this scripture:
1 PETER 3:3-6
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Some people read verses 3 and 4 and they hastily jump into conclusion that women cannot use cosmetics or personal effects but they have forgotten that same verse 3 talks about wearing of apparel too i.e. clothes.
If that position is true, then it means women shouldn’t wear clothes too and they must therefore go about naked.
Balance is everything!!! What Peter is saying here is to PRIORITIZE your INNER VIRTUE above your OUTWARD APPEARANCE. Simple!
In other words, don’t give TOO MUCH ATTENTION to your outward appearance at the expense of or to the detriment of your spiritual life.
The matter of cosmetics and personal effects is PERSONAL. If you like it, so be it. If you don’t like it, so be it. Don’t make a doctrine out of it and don’t force your personal opinion on others.
Religion gives a person a false sense of security without corresponding proofs and results.
Whichever way, the fact remains that while God leads you by His Spirit in your marital choice, the factors of SUBMISSION and GOOD OUTLOOK resonate with men.
Pressing these right buttons and with the help of God working for you, you will put Satan where he belongs and you will receive what belongs to you in Christ.
I hope this made little sense?
Have a fabulous week ahead!
Source: Bimbo Animashaun Teaching Ministries |Published with permission.