BOOK REVIEW: THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED (PART TWO)

Happy homes were build by imperfect individuals who acknowledged and work on their differences. Most times in Marriage, couples don’t agree because they don’t have different opinions about a particular issues, neither does their differences based on background has dissappear, it is the function of Experience and knowledge that one have to consider the other better for building of the home.

In Marriage, one party have to agree or disagree but not agreeable or disagreeable, that is how it works and grow until it becomes the bedrock of learning for others.

Gary Chapman listed Twelve(2) wishes that intending couples or Dating individuals need to know before Marriage (don’t you think it should be more than ten), prepare for them or avoid them before reoccurring. Five (5)of which was discussed in the first part of this review, if you haven’t read the first part, DO. These are;

#1: Being in Love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful Marriage.

#2: That romantic love has two STAGES

#3: That the saying “LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER ” and “LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON” is not myth

#4: to solve disagreements without ARGUING

#5: That apologising is a sign of strength
On this part, the other Seven (7) parts of the wishes shall be meritoriously discussed.

Ope DUROTOYE,
Stay safe and Reading.

#6: That forgiveness is not a Feeling
There are no healthy marriages without sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness. If you learned how to apologise and forgive, you will have in place two of the major elements for building a successful marriage. Barriers are removed by sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness, it should be clear THAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT A FELLING, it one thing that must be known before Marriage.

#7: That toilet are not Self-cleaning
Have you considered the idea that someday you will be a toilet cleaner? I had you say that’s a mess!
“Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of contemporary marriages. In earlier generations where the husband was the provider and the wife the homemaker, there was little confusion about who would do what. However, in today’s world, where most wives have their own careers, they expect their husbands to be majorly involved in household duties”.
To avoid any conflict on who to do what, it must be discuss openly before Marriage to avert unnecessary conflict because you’re coming from different homes, which one of you may not be involving in household chores. You may not have the same skill sets, but it’s important to recognise these differing abilities and seek to use them for the benefit of the relatioship.
Also note that Your philosophy of maleness and femaleness greatly influences your expectations of marital roles.

#8: That we needed a PLAN for HANDLING our MONEY
There is this common sayings among ladies that His money is our money, my money is my money, however, first foundational stone in developing a financial plan is to agree that after Marriage, it will no longer be “my money” and “your money” but “our money.” At the heart of Marriage is the desire for unity. It is for better, for worse vows. The implication is that incomes will be share accordingly, and work as a team in deciding what to do with “our”money. His/her debts becomes “our debts”, plan must be drawn to repay.

#9: That sexual FULFILMENT is not AUTHOMATIC
“Another way of expressing this reality is that for women, sex begins in the kitchen, not in the Bedroom. If he speaks her love language in the kitchen, she is far more open to having sex when they reach the Bedroom.” This can only be when you know each other primary love Language.

#10: That I was MARRYING into a FAMILY
It’s wrong for you to think his family will disappear the day after wedding, you are married into a family to extend it. Life will be much easier if you have a positive relationship with thus extended family.

#11: That SPIRITUALITY is not to be equated with GOING TO CHURCH
Two people contemplating Marriage should consider religion need to be near top of their list. Our view of Spirituality greatly influences the way we live our lives.

#12: That Personality profoundly influences BEHAVIOUR
Are you Choleric? Are you Melancholic? Are you Phlegmatic? Are you Sanguine? Find out how personality trait influences our decision making, social life, sexual life of individual in dating and Marriage.